Chiang Mai Cookery School - Day 4, Also, Tigers

So, day four kick started with a rockin’ soy sauce thick noodle dish – “pat si yew” for those of a Thai persuasion. Like the thick noodle and pork seen on Day Three, it’s not my favourite dish. Mediocrity combined with having to eat the bloody thing so often has watered it down to a middling course which I probably won’t try again.

Though, then the bar was set high with steamed fish in banana leaves, a classic Thai style dish that I’ve had on occasion, and loved. It’s pretty spicy, and I would probably have more fish and less chilli and eggplants, and maybe some chopped noodle whilst I’m at it. Still, I loved it, and could happily have it as a packed lunch when I have some disposable income. I also learnt the Thai banana leaf package, and got a step by step guide. 

Big leaf, smaller leaf, smallest leaf

Make into a half-pipe

Two fingers open the side

Three others bring up the leaf to a triangle

Excess leaf is bent round - repeat on other side

Wrap in leaf "belt"

Gather up

Seal with cocktail sticks and decorate

Next on my chopping board was Thai yellow curry, a Massaman style curry with traditional Indian spices and potatoes. It was very sweet, and not particularly hot – which was a change from the usual napalm-in-a-bowl I’ve been preparing the past few days. I’m guessing it comes from the Thai-Muslim population in the south, it was a welcome change.

Subsequently I whipped up chicken and cashew nuts – a true archetypal Asian dish. With fried cashew nuts, some mild chilli and whisky in the wok, it turned out beautifully. It boasted a wide array of vegetables, spring onions, onions and a vegetable stock all went well with the meat. Definitely one to try again.

We tried another salad, spicy prawn. I’m not generally a fan of Thai salads, cold food that can still burn your mouth off is distinctly off-putting.

Meh

And after four days, it was here. The dish. The Legend. Bananas in coconut milk. The bananas were steamed before being boiled in coconut milk along with some pandanus leaves – a sort of aromatic  and versatile leaf. It’s pretty simple, and apart from the pandanus, is very re-creatable in the UK. The coconut sauce is thickened and the creaminess suits the sweet and slightly hard (I feel like I’m writing a bad porno right now) bananas. Anyway, as I slowly licked the cream from the hard banana, I realised it was my second to last day. Then I remembered, tigers!

Mmmmm, I love it when you peel my skin

One heck of a lunch

Tigers!

I’d already arranged with Pon that we’d go after my cookery class, as Tuesday was an early finish. We planned to go with his family, but as it was raining and was generally miserable, they wisely stayed in. It’s about a half hour drive from the kitchen, quite a ways out of town. I strapped on my most maul-proof clothing (I knew I should have brought that kevlar) and set off. When I arrived I was greeted by MANY smiling attendants – I guess not many people had come that day. I saw one other group of farangs, and that’s about it. I booked my tigers, biggest and smallest, Aristotle’s Golden Mean can suck it.

I met my photographer, who was a great guy. He was a professional, and knew exactly what to do and how to get the best shots. Also he liked my hat. That’s a sure-fire way to my heart. We started on the smallest tigers first – two to four months. They’re about the size of a big housecat, though a lot more muscled. They were still being trained, and so were constantly being reprimanded for chewing on my shoes or attempting to climb my leg.

"Aren't you going to grow in to an unstoppable killing machine? Yes you are, yes you are"

They were incredible, very determined to explore every single inch of this stranger and loved being tickled behind the ears. It was odd seeing their predatory nature coming out, for example they were pouncing on my laces and would often pretend stalk a sleeping companion. I had Henry with me, and he was the object of fascination for one. He was a little chewed, but no lasting damage. Eventually I had to leave, but I considered putting one in my bag and sneaking out. But then I saw how big they got, and realised my 20kg weight limit would not be enough.

BFFs

Awwwww

Nothing personal, just thousands of years of genetic information means I have to chew you

If you thing tigers look big on TV or in documentaries, then you have no idea. It’s not just their size, but they’re rippling with muscle and you have no idea how fast they are. I saw one being fed, one moment it was lying on the bench, the next it’d crunched through a leg bone. There was a second of terror as I realised I was in a cage with something very capable of killing me, and all that was protecting me was an attendant with a stick.

Oh! Shiny object!

Strike a pose

That tickles

They were pretty peaceable though. My guess was the weather just made them want to lie down and wash themselves. I was able to stroke them, lie on them and generally be near a killing machine and not get disembowelled. At one point he looked over his shoulder straight into my eyes, and that was a little harrowing.

"...you keep still because you think that maybe his visual acuity is based on movement like the T-Rex - he'll lose you if you don't move. But no, not a Tiger . You stare at him, and he just stares right back"

There were two, a brother and sister named Lucky and Sofia. Both were 19 months old, and both beautiful. 

Lucky and Sofia

If you come to Chiang Mai, you should definitely come to Tiger Kingdom. It’s an amazing place, and I just want to address an issue. When I was looking at reviews, I saw a lot of people raging about how the tigers are drugged and the keepers beat them bloody with sticks e.t.c. They aren’t drugged. Seeing them jump up and down off tables and lope around the enclosure completely at ease and without any impairment that would come from tranquilisers. The sticks weren’t used to hit them, keepers just hit them against the table and floor really just as warning. They’re trained at a young age to be scared of the sound, and it’ll continue to adulthood. It’s not perfect, but what do you want? Electroshock therapy? The keepers I saw were all very affectionate, stroking the tigers and scratching them behind the ears when they were off duty.  When they talked about them, they seemed very proud of Lucky and his sister and kept telling me they’re daily activities. Those morons railing about disrespect of tigers? Real disrespect is being turned into a rug or being ground up into dust for traditional medicines. It’s a successful breeding program, I saw about six new born cubs in the small tiger den. For a species with a few thousand left, that ain’t bad.

Sorry for the abrupt tone change, but it’s something I wanted to address. Tiger Kingdom in Chiang Mai is definitely worth your time, and a truly incredible experience.