I emerged, blinking into Hong Kong a few hours after I wrote the last blog. As I shouldered my bags and navigated the airport (no easy feat) and got on the bus to Kowloon. Then got thrown off the bus as I’d neglected to buy a ticket – they don’t accept cash. Turns out I’d missed the tiny 4x4ft box containing a crushed looking woman you buy tickets from. Silly me.
I found the correct stop and squeezed my way off the bus, walking up Argyle Street to find my hotel. Then walked back. Then walked up again. Then walked down before I found the minuscule plaque displaying “Sincere House”. I dragged myself up the stairs to find my room, to find they didn’t accept cards. So I walked all the way back to a bank in an attempt to find an ATM, crossing various streets to find one. So, eventually, I had a room and had paid for it, and collapsed with the air-con on full blast.
I emerged later to pick up some noodles, and then returned. It had been a long day, I began at 6am in Bangkok, and had been travelling since then. The first night was spent just relaxing. The second day I decided to be more adventurous. I did a complete walking tour of Kowloon (for those that don’t know, Kowloon is the island above Hong Kong). It started with me walking up to the Flower Market, about three streets given to stalls and stalls of flowers, as well as a surprising amount of shops.
Compared to the smell of exhaust, the market was heavenly. I toured around, wondering if this counts as an onset of middle age. If it’s not a garden centre, it’s ok, right?
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| See? Totally a street |
From there I found a massive shopping mall, selling all types of batshit fashions. There was a mix that could be dubbed eclectic in the least, and four types of bananas at worst. It’s probably “ironic” or avant garde, but I’m pretty sure wearing a green gimp suit over skinny genes and a ripped top is grounds for being sectioned. After passing a scary amount of Asian hipsters (one of the funniest sights I’ve ever seen) I scarpered, as just being there made me want to buy heelies and perch a Trilby hat too small for me on the back of my head.
I began the long walk down to Shanghai Street, thankfully with less prostitutes and seedy dive bars than forty years ago, but still pretty dodgy.
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| Half of these are human body parts |
I felt pretty sure wandering down the wrong alley would lead to me waking up in an ice bath missing a kidney. There was a decent amount of cookery shops sandwiched together, and some enjoyable crazy little shops here and there.
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| Yes, I do |
At the end I found the Jade Market, a covered block literally crammed with stalls just selling jade – or green stone marketed at stupid tourists. There ranged everything from simple rings or bangles to carved dragons and Buddhas. I suppose someone with more gem knowledge than me could tell a genuine from a fake, but it just all looked like semi-transparent green rocks to me.
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| Um, nice jade. Or green glass. Flip a coin |
Still, it’s nice to see a little bit of old Hong Kong, angry old women and all. There was a massive grocery market nearby, selling all sorts of Chinese vegetables and spices to live meats. Like Thailand, live fish and seafood was kept in boxes, and eviscerated in front of you. There’s a perverse Schadenfreude in watching someone pick out a fish, before seeing it bludgeoned, skinned and diced whilst the butcher holds idle conversation. Still, you can’t get fresher.
Because I’m a genius, I’d decided to walk around the WHOLE FUCKING CITY in flip-flops, so by now my feet had given up and the gap between my first and second toes was beginning to ache. I’d also been out roughly eight hours, which is the equivalent to my Duke of Edinburgh Bronze. I grabbed a delicious lemon chicken at a nearby restaurant and spent the night Skyping. Though, in true Asian tradition, it was doused in sugar.
The day after I toured the local markets, of which there are many in Kowloon. I began the day trying to find some Dim Sum, and on a recommendation checked out a place in North Kowloon. As I sat down, I noticed the customers. All in business suits and sporting very dignified beards. The women were all in tailored dresses and looked very haughty. As I looked at the menu, I realised I couldn’t afford one dish. I’d stepped into a Michelin starred haunt of Hong Kong’s elite. Awkward. I told the confused waitress that I had an appointment, and scarpered before they charged me for breathing their oxygen. I instead chose porridge in a delicious little eatery round the corner from my hotel.
I started my tour at the dubiously named Ladies’ Market, which is actually quite tame. It’s a busy mix of cheap tourist goods and dodgy electrics. Though, there’s enough ladies’ clothing and lingerie to merit its title. It’s about three blocks long, and the street turns into little more than a rugby match as you battled past buyers. Though, being a literal head taller than most of the populace worked in my favour. I sauntered down the Golden Mile, unofficially (but accurately) dubbed the Neon Mile. It’s amazingly tacky, and I have it on good authority there’s a fine selection of strip clubs and dodgy hostess bars. My guide covers everything. There were enough little stalls around the area to keep my busy ‘til lunch, where upon I began tracking down larger game.
Hong Kong is the world’s best place to buy electronic goods. With no sales tax and a decent currency, you can grab some bargains. My prey was an iPad 2. From an English price of £400 (if you’re lucky) they were available at £305. You don’t need a degree in maths to understand that’s a deal. I’m not an idiot, unlike a lot of foreigners, I did not scavenge a deal in the markets. Buying from the tech markets is pretty damn stupid, as should be obvious. Though, tell that to the morons at the Ladies’ Market. My chosen store was “Broadway”, a large chain of respectable tech shops. Though, I was sidetracked by “Brink” on the display Xbox. I meant to see if it deserved the panning from every critic ever, and ended up passing half an hour there. It’s actually pretty fun. The parkour works great when you can drop behind an enemy, unload a clip into his back and spring away before his mates notice. Though, the AI is crap.
Anyway, I managed to track down a 32gig Wi-fi model, eventually. iPads seem to be carved from the wood of the true cross, considering how hard they are to find. Every shop I tried was sold out, which I cannot fathom. The most looked forward to and anticipated tech device of the year, in the biggest shopping district in one of the most famous cities in the world, and they didn’t have enough stock. That seems fucking brainless – why did every Game shop only buy ten copies of Halo: Reach on September 14th? Oh wait, they didn’t. They brought stacks of them.
What angered me even more is how every shop had at least two iPads on display. To understand this, I’ve prepared a little role play:
Tech shop: hey look! We have iPads! Look how shiny they are, come buy one!
Me: that’s cool, can I buy one please?
Tech shop: no, of course you fucking can’t. We’re sold out, you brainless twat.
Me: when are you going to get some more delivered?
Tech shop: we don’t know, we haven’t organised that yet.
Me: can I at least buy the display copy?
Tech shop: fuck off, we need to advertise the fact we sell iPads
Top tip - circular logic works because circular logic works because circular logic works.
So, I have an iPad now. I love it. I could dedicate an entire blog to it. I also love how it smells and the feel of it curled up against me as I fall asleep...
Woah, moving on. Stream of consciousness ended.
That evening I ate a great little Dim Sum place I spotted whilst out walking. The food cost less than the black market price of a human lung, and was truly delicious. I partook of some steamed bread filled with BBQ pork, steamed prawn rolls and chicken and rice. All this and a bottle of water cost about HK$50 - £4.
The next day I decided to take a trip to Hong Kong city. On the hotel manager’s recommendation I journeyed to Repulse Bay and Stanley, the least imaginatively named town since “New York”. You aren’t trying, Imperial British Empire, the Aussies have some great ones! What about Tittybong, Humptybong, Gooloogong and Mount Buggery? (Yes, those are all real).
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| Great place, dull name |
Anyway, I caught the MTR (metro) to Hong Kong Admiralty station, and jumped on the bus to Repulse Bay, or near enough. I was dropped off a fair distance away, and walked the rest.
Repulse Bay was unimaginably beautiful. Pure white sand, clear sea, stone pier and Chinese cargo liner in the distance – wait, ignore that. It was surprisingly deserted, considering it was 37oC with burning sunshine. Once again, my GorillaPod proved its worth, and I snapped a few good pictures. It’s almost like having a real friend to hold the camera.
After a nap on the pier for a few hours, I continued on to Stanley. Fuck it, Stanley is too boring. I arrived at DRAGONFIRE PEAK Plaza, a shopping centre being renovated, very noisily. I walked down to DRAGONFIRE PEAK pier, a serene wooden affair the other side of the cove from Repulse. I visited the seafront, picked up a 99 and toured the tourist trap cafes. Christ, that’s a lot for some fish & ships. The main attraction of DRAGONFIRE PEAK is the DRAGONFIRE PEAK market. It’s a relatively big market aimed at day-trippers, so plenty of tacky souvenirs and fake silk. Though, I picked up a fairly classy Hong Kong pin for my fairly classy Trilby.
On the way back I nabbed the front seat on a double-decker bus, the views were stunning especially when we crested a hill and the whole vista was unveiled, until it crashed (nerd joke). From there I took a quick lunch at a duck restaurant, and found out later it was actually a pretty famous place. I stumble upon the best places.
The day after I took a trip of central Hong Kong, starting at Admiralty and walking around, getting hopelessly and wonderfully lost. I traipsed through a variety of shopping malls, nearly tripped over the ferry port and generally took circular routes before I found the mid-level escalators.
It’s a massive chain of escalators leading straight through the heart of Hong Kong and rising a significant height. You can get some great views, and feel faintly superior to the people on the street. I saw a whole mix of shops, traditional Chinese to pizza parlours.
I reluctantly left (if they went down as well as up, I’d have spent all day on them) and walked to the top of Hong Kong Botanical Gardens. The place was incredible incongruous, in the middle of a bustling city there’s a perfectly maintained park full of exotic birds and even some lemurs. I did a spot of people watching and napping on a park bench. I was quite tired, and spent about three hours there. There was a great view of the tallest buildings and a lovely fountain, I guess I’m simply amused.
From there I journeyed to the Peak Tram, the oldest working tram in Hong Kong. It’s a gentle little ascent to the Peak, where you have the best view in Hong Kong. Also available is the chance to get the most overpriced steak, judging from the tacky cafes that have sprung up like mould or dry wall rot.
I waited an hour or so until dark (during which my iPod died) and took some photos. It was a nice way to spend an evening, but spending a few hours on a very high drop on my oddy-knocky just makes me feel like a potential suicide.
So now we get to Thursday. I moseyed down the Golden Mile to find the Space Museum, which sounds like a fun way to spend an afternoon. After I arrived, and walked around the whole building trying to find an entry and entered, it was actually kinda fun. Lots of mad old beliefs about the world, my personal favourite was the belief the world stands on four elephants, on the back of a giant turtle, on a giant snake on an endless sea, which I’m pretty sure is a Terry Pratchett novel. The museum trumpeted their interactive elements, a jet-pack ride, space walking and hang-glider on every advert, yet when I got there the height limit was 5ft9 and the weight limit was 75kg. As I’m a 6ft3, 81kg guy, this wasn’t particularly useful. I’m not that freakishly tall.
The rest of the day I spent snooping round the culture hall and rest of south Kowloon. There are some great views of Hong Kong island to be had, and plenty of high class fashion shops. I had another dim-sum lunch and returned to my room late, before wandering around the darkened streets of Central Mong Kok, bathed in the glow of a thousand neon lights. After a chicken noodle soup (I felt nostalgic) I picked up a new delight to my taste buds, frozen yoghurt. Nicer than ice cream, and with some granola topping actually looked somewhat healthy. I’d definitely have it again some other night.
So, we come to my last day. I decided spend the morning and early afternoon on the ferry tours, and the rest of the day packing and skyping. Walking back to the shoreline near the space museum, I took a couple of ferries over the stretch. I wanted to see the famous (ish) Noonday Gun, only to discover that the whole coast was being renovated and it was out of bounds. After this I decided to take a tour, the Star Ferry bay excursion was excellent, roughly £8 for a good hour and a half sightsee.
The joy of it was that you could hop on and off at any time, the ticket lasted a whole day. Unfortunately I couldn’t make use of this, as I’d seen all of Hong Kong coast line already. So, with the prow to myself, I pulled up a chair, enjoyed the free drink with nibbles and put my feet up to enjoy the view. There was an automated voice, but it was inaudible over the engine, wind and sea. It was nice being back on the open waters, feeling the dip and crash of the waves, considering I holidayed in the Scilly Isles every year until I was thirteen, it was a very enjoyable time.
I didn’t realise how much I’d missed it, the smell of salt, that odd dry feeling in your hair and skin and the taste of salt on your lips. Pretty much the parts of my childhood I actually want to remember. We saw the whole spectrum of sights, the peak, office buildings and more experimental art houses on the shoreline. It’s a beautiful place, even if the “represents the bamboo, showing strength and flexibility” was a little pretentious for my liking.
Food!
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| A nice chicken noodle soup - though not with the flavour of true Thai |
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| Chinese tea with BBQ pork steamed rolls and sticky rice filled with chicken and mushroom |
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| Excellent duck soup |
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| Amazing Dim Sum - steamed rolls with shrimp, chicken and rice accompanied by BBQ pork bread rolls |
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| Lemon chicken with rice |
