Canada #5 - Edmonton

Bussing to Edmonton. Fairly standard, though I did spend the first leg of the journey on Greyhound Express. 

Leather seats. 

More legroom. 

Free wifi. 

Oh Greyhound, you shouldn't have! Oh, I transfer in two hours? Then spend 22 hours in a normal bus? Oh. Thanks Greyhound. 

I think I was just bus teased. It put me in a really foul mood for the entire trip. We passed through one town called Kamloops, and no joke, the only thing advertised on the tourist television was a local funeral home. 

"Welcome to Kamloops, you'll be dying to leave! We're serious, call this number."

Also in Kamloops I brought the most depressed sandwich I've ever eaten. It was about $8. And consisted of a soggy bun, one slice of ham, one Kraft cheese square and a single tomato slice. I wanted to euthanise it. 

Anyway, Edmonton. I'm pretty sure the map was not properly set up. I think it was literally mirror flipped. I kept walking the wrong direction, even when landmarks were in view. So, I spent a day hideously lost and wandering around the suburbs until a kindly tobacconist pointed me in the right direction. Fuck, I sound like a Dickens novel. 

I was situated in the trendy hipster part of town, a street that just consisted of indie record shops and hip food shops. Had an excellent burrito and Vietnamese sub (which I didn't know was a thing), then toured places selling pot paraphernalia and second hand book stores. Apparently it had history, but all the bronze plaques were covered over by local band posters. 

Being more adventurous, I also visited the local legislature, where a very earnest tour guide showed me every inch of the marble Romanesque building. Interesting mix of colonial past, First Nation coexistence (to a point) and British royal intervention. I also shook the hand of the opposing party, the Wild Roses, in a lift. It was one of those kind of days. 

From every tourist website and poster around the area, no visit was complete without a visit to West Edmonton Mall. Braving the transit system, I made my way out to the behemoth. It's the kind of place where I wanted to slap the designers and shout "FUCKING DECIDE". There were almost 800 shops. And two pools. And an indoor beach. And a lagoon complete with pirate ship. And a kid's adventure land. And a cinema. And a mini golf course. And a full restaurant and bar strip. And a bloody fairground with roller coasters.

Again, FUCKING DECIDE. Or, alternatively, go home mall, you are drunk. The place was bewildering, but there was an excellent Disney store and enough cycle shops to keep me occupied. Additionally, an fantastic frozen yogurt bar. It was an experience to window shop H&M, then turn a corner and stumble onto people in trunks splashing in a full length pool. Then walk over a pirate ship to get to HMV. Quite the place. 

Unfortunately, Edmonton didn't have that much to offer after that. Just a fairly average city with cookie cutter malls and chains. Nice walks up and down the river, when the map wasn't trying to lead me astray. It just didn't have the cultural and architectural swagger of Vancouver or the tranquil beauty of Victoria. 

So, I left with nary a backwards glance. Onwards to Winnipeg.