First Post - Journey To Nong Khai

Note to all wannabe travellers out there – travelling more than 24 hours at once is not a smart move. In the same way trying to break down a door with your face is a bad idea. Still, if you succeed it’ll be quite an accomplishment. The fact I’m not snoozing in a ditch somewhere show’s Man’s determination to survive. And not knowing when to give up.

Things began well on Sunday morning, as well as waking up a 6am and saying goodbye to your loved ones can be “well”. I escaped security without being groped, and the scanner didn’t find the corpse wrapped Dexter-style in my hand luggage. All’s well that ends well. The 13 hour flight to Hong Kong was surprisingly enjoyable, caught a few pretty good films (including Splice – an awesome new psychological horror), and the seat next to me was empty. Woo leg room! 

Safely landed in a confusing sprawl of an airport claiming to be Hong Kong. For all I know it was Slough with a pretty convincing facade – but hey. Duty free rubbish is duty free rubbish. After having to take a metro ride to my gate, and contemplating how many gates are too many, I arrived in the departure lounge. Chinese news – the economic stability of the country and a scientific breakthrough. English news – the nominations for a film award. Read into that what you will.

After a short hop to Bangkok – barely enough time for a decent nap, I emerged blinking, bemused and in desperate need of a shower into the nightmare that is customs and immigration. Following the airport’s frantic attempts to sell me cheap whisky, I stumbled onto a shuttle bus bound for Huamlompong (I think) Station. A startling realisation hit me; the drivers of Bangkok drive like fucking lunatics. From the chaos, one rule prevailed. Bigger vehicle means right of way. However, try telling that to the driver of the myriad scooters weaving between the tyres of buses. I’m pretty sure most of the pedestrians are infact Ninjas, crossing the road requires at least two eyes in the back of your head and senses six – nine. Red light means nothing if not speed up to the hapless walkers navigating the side streets, I’m pretty sure foreigners are worth extra points.

Forgive me if this sounds a little negative, I’ve loved my two days, or one day, depending on time difference, in Thailand. Reminiscent of my spree in India, but with less dead dogs and misogyny. The sights have been great, the people very friendly and the food fantastic. Seriously, noodles with hoi sin duck cooked fresh in front of you, served with stir fry and very well seasoned. For roughly the price of olives in a UK restaurant. Still, avoid “Chinese Nektar”. I’m pretty sure they simply dumped a tub of golden syrup in a cup, added a dash of fruit juice and topped with sugar for shits and giggles. Taking more than a sip was pretty much a tongue overload and a mouthful left you wincing as your teeth visibly decayed.

At time of writing I am on the train for Nong Khai, sharing a seat with a Thai lady, of a certain age, who is settling in and shows no sign of climbing to her bunk and vacating MY sleeping nook. Oh yes, and my ticket is for “Woman”. Maybe the ticket officer saw my iTunes most played list.

I’m attempting to keep this post under two pages (of Microsoft Word anyway) to avoid people losing interest. Maybe I should write BOOBS or SEX every so often to keep them entertained. In essence, Thailand has left a good first impression on me. Great people, relatively simple to use transport, food beyond compare and freakishly scary school kids playing Counter Strike. They were lke pwning every n00b out there. However, with roughly eight of them playing with sound on, the phrases “Throwing a grenade” and “reloading” are probably going to be imprinted on my mind for weeks. The voice actress for a female character was even more annoying. Her shrill voice will haunt my dreams for decades.

Ok, that’s me thus far. I’m going stay awake for another ten hours and abuse my iPod battery life some more, before arriving at my destination. Two audiobooks down, roughly a month’s worth left to go.